WHERE IS PARIS WHEN YOU NEED HER?

The 2008 presidential election has become the most important election of our county’s life. Sure, the last two elections were respectively the most important presidential elections at the time, but we messed them up so now we get a ‘do over’. (We actually got a ‘do over’ in 2004 but weren’t really paying attention. Unfortunately for us, unlike the SAT’s, in real time presidential elections we don’t get to throw out our lowest number and try again. We have to wait another four years.). So anyway, here we are.

We can stay the course as far as our international policies are concerned (in other words: Iraq – we don’t have enough armed forces to have any other international policies at the moment), albeit this time with a Commander in Chief who did more than read magazine’s at an Army Reserve post in Alabama.

We can preserve our ‘family values’. Yes, yes, we’ve been doing that with our current born again, evangelical leader. (Just look how well he preserved the families in New Orleans and Mississippi by putting their fates in the hands of a guy who ran horse shows). But this time, we’d have a Commander in Chief that not only has a name straight out of a Mark Twain book, but a penchant for putting his religion where his governor’s pen is by pardoning Arkansas inmates who have become born again Christians.

We can make history by electing a black man president for the first time. Of course, this gentleman is only black (or African American) when you consider his father’s side of his ancestry. He’s white (not sure if that is an actual ethnic group, maybe he’s Irish decent, which would explain the Teddy Kennedy endorsement) when you consider his mother’s side of his ancestry. Let’s just say he’d be the first president born in Hawaii.

Or, we can make history by electing a woman. Senator Clinton’s win would not be the first time a relative of a former president is elected president. We did that with the Adams, Roosevelt’s and Bush’s. (Two out of three ain’t bad). And speaking of Roosevelt’s, a Senator Clinton win would not be the first time that a first lady all but became president.

So we’ve got some good choices. A war veteran who hates (most) lobbyists, is pretty good on his environmental policies and depending upon your views on the war in Iraq has a good or an abominable chance for steering us away from the international ice burgs. Or, we’ve got a real nice guy who plays a pretty good base guitar and is willing to give born again Christian’s a second chance. Of course, if we (or anyone else) ever do catch Osama Bin Laden and he becomes a born again Christian, the Arkansas Governor may not be the best person to be holding the pardoning pen. We’ve also got one of the most charismatic speakers since Bill Clinton running on the ‘change’ slogan, and apparently Access Hollywood is about to blow the lid of this campaign by revealing that that Illinois Senator prefers boxers to briefs. (No, I’m not kidding. Someone went to college to learn how to interview a potential United States President about his underwear choices). I certainly hope that the Senator from New York isn’t asked if she’s a thong gal.

We’ve got a tough choice on at least three of these candidates. And, like most people who know a lot about our own jobs and not much else (and sometimes not much about our own jobs, either), it can be helpful to seek advice and opinions from others as to which of these candidates would be able to lead our country.

This is where the media and the internet come in very handy. If you search hard enough, you will find out that Senator Clinton has endorsements from more congressional leaders than any other candidate, that former secretary of state Madeline Albright has endorsed her and former Federal Reserve Chairman Allan Greenspan called her “unquestionably capable” of handling the job of President. But he is a life long republican and states he will probably vote republican. That sure sounds like a potential endorsement for Senator McCain. Senator McCain has also been endorsed by the New York Times and most republican governors. And Senator Obama has picked up an impressive array of endorsement from congress people and governors. But his early endorsements were much more impressive and garnered the attention that catapulted his campaign into high gear. Yes my fellow American’s, you should vote for Barrack Obama because Oprah says so and, more importantly, so does ‘OBAMA GIRL’. Obama Girl’s internet site has received more than two million hits! And now to find that the media giant Access Hollywood is coming out with the boxer over briefs revelation, how could anyone NOT feel confident that this man will lead us to the Promised Land.

Now that the election stuff seams to be taken care of, I have some other pressing issues where I need some crucial advice. It’s tax time so I’m hoping that Miley Cyrus will give an interview about that subject. I’m hoping Britney Spears will surface so I can get some advice on a zoning question that’s come up in my township. And where is Paris Hilton when you need good, solid advice on dietary restrictions for a diabetic child with celiac’s disease???